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Are there any ppl out there that are caregivers to their parents? How do you deal with the stress? |
I care for my disabled 76 yr old father who has lost his leg due to diabetes and has dementia. I often get overwhelmed. He just got out of the hospital and now I have to give him IV meds (well the nurse starts it and I take it off and flush it) My father also had a heart attack 3 months ago and now is on tons of medications. I have searched for support groups and have found none in my area. I have talked to a social worker. I think his insurance allows 40 hr. of respite care a year. Yes, there is a whole bunch of us family dedicated, responsible people out there. My dad was first and now it's my mom to care for with the Alzheimer. She was never a mean person 'till this came to her. It is stressful but can be offset with talking about the fun stuff that happened years ago even if they do not remember......it's conversation about happy times no matter how many times we repeat it. Don't make yourself miserable doing this job, chill-out, it's just a duty to be performed as only to be expected....and we are not perfect so don't strive for that super level. There is one thing I have come to realize. 'We are born once and in diapers twice'. I've even had my parents laughing over this as it is now my turn to change theirs as they did for me. Arrange a little time for yourself and good luck to you. Find a support group and find out who the others use for respite care. You need a home health care worker too. Check the white pages for senior service's in your area. I feel you. My mom and I took care of both my grandparents that had Alzheimer's. My grandma lived with us. It was a very stressful time for the whole family. The best thing to do is to make time for yourself and get away every now and than. It is so hard to care for these people and outside nurses cost a fortune. I swear my grandma went so crazy she would actually try to murder us in our sleep! Finally, when my son was a baby we had to put grandma chair in the corner and build a wooden gate just to make sure she didn't try to kill my newborn! My grandma was looking for him one day to cook him and was going to put him in the oven! NO JOKE! It is so sad to see your loved ones go insane. My grandma was the sweetest person I ever have known. If she would have seen how crazy she got... and knew she wanted to have her great- grandchild for dinner, she would have killed herself! Some days we laughed... most days we cried. My grandma never cussed until she went crazy...than she said words I didn't even know! One day she was screaming in the living room.."Help me, Help me they are going to kill me!" The mail man heard it and called the cops...a few minutes later the cops came to the door with guns and sheilds. They understood after we explained she was crazy. Just get out go to a movie, dinner or shopping and don't be too hard on yourself. My mom now has a living will stating that my sister and I are not to ever care for her if she is not in her right mind. I know she is doing this out of love for us because she does not want to put my sis and I through it with her, so it is her way of freeing us from the guilt as not to have us be burdened with that kind of responsibility. I will do the same for my sons. Take care of yourself first, some communities have support groups for this. I'd look it up..if not start your own..there are many out there that are going through the same issues as yourself. Take care. I took care of my mom since I was 5 years old. (hard to believe but true). The way I way I deal with the stress is keep a journal and write down the things that happen that day. I pray to God every day and tell Him how I feel and let Him help me. Draw close to God and he will draw close to you. Ask for help. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. I don't know your age or if you are married and have children. You can make taking care of dad a family matter. Take shifts. This allows time for "Me Time". Every one needs that! If not you will suffer burn out. I have a couple of times even when I was pregnant with triplets and had to go to the hospital to rest. Otherwise I would lose the babies! |
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