Would u consider this childhood experience to be child abuse? How can this be resolved?

When I was younger my dad was working all the time and seldom at home. He also canes me a lot whenever I misbehave and sometimes he vents his frustrations at work on me. I'm very afraid of him as a kid and even now, at the age of 20 I still am. He also inflicts emotional abuse sometimes and tries to control me. Once he caned me and dragged me across from one room to another with force. Most of the time when he canes me I get red, sore cane marks on my thighs and buttocks. Sometimes the marks bleed. My memory of my father is not a loving one - I am afraid of him and felt no love for him at all. I was quite withdrawn as a child and a loner - I kept to myself and as a result my classmates find me odd and I was the brunt of their jokes, teasing and bullying. I sometimes felt frustrated at school and sometimes suicidal.
Do u think I should seek counselling for this even though it was years ago?

PS: I believe this experience may have turned me gay. I am very afraid of older male authority figures, especially God. I fear them. Also, I find it hard to relate emotionally with other guys my age. I find it hard to trust them and I fear they will see my weaknesses and laugh, bully and torment me. Man I feel so screwed and f.u.c.k.e.d. up.

when you say it might have turned you gay, this is a very telling comment...in other words, you weren't gay,..but you are seeking the father image you need..you didn't say where your mom was..and you might have felt abandonded by her...you are not gay,..you are seeking the father image for the love you didn't get..he is a brute, and mean and evil..and has tried to destroy your life for his own impulses...You need to get moved out and on your own asap...forgive him and forget it,..but don't let it ruin your life...Ask God to forgive him, through Jesus,...and my prayers are with you also

Yeah... You should probably seek counseling...

I dont neccessarily think you were abused as such, but you definatley weren't treated as a child should be, so no wonder you have problems. Counselling can help with the most trivial of problems, but i think it depends on the person really. Personally counselling helps me alot, it makes me feel less screwed up, and just talking about ur problems can make you feel so much better.

yes get counselling!!!!

Yes, you should seek counseling to be able to put this behind you and go on with life. Sounds like you had a tough younger life but now you are in charge of your life, not your father. Yes, it was abuse at the hands of your father. Call and set up an appointment for counseling. It will help you. Good luck to you. You still have a long life ahead of you. I hope it can be much better for you.

I would reccomend counseling. You have the typical symptoms of someone who suffered under an abusive father. There are millions just like you. The good thing is that you recognize your father for who he is and do not try to immulate him.

Yes, I think you should talk to a counselor about these childhood traumas.

And yes, I do believe what your father did was child abuse.

I'm so sorry to hear about your wretched childhood. My own father had a very violent and verbally abusive father. (Pulled guns on them, lined them up to beat them in case they did anything he didn't know about, kept all the good food for himself while they ate potatoes and cabbage daily.)

My father hated his father and never looked back. He offered his father opportunities to apologize and his father never did, declaring his belief in what he did.

My father told me just before he died at 66 that he still felt hurt at that age to hear grown friends talking about things they did with their dad. The pain and loss will, in a sense, always be there. (My father also came to see religion as a fraud when he was 10. I believe in part this was because he had no good father to match with the myth of God. That outcome was good.)

The solution is to make your own life, and make it with a vengence. You owe your father nothing. Nothing. He is a selfish, cruel, evil man. It's a sad fact, but a fact.

You should not look back and just work on building a life that makes you happy.

I think counseling could help a great deal, if you have a good counselor. I have read that parents can often sense very young that their child is gay and the sick parents will start abusing and attacking this child.

Good luck. You deserved better and it's time to start giving it to yourself.

I know that unhappy childhood, especially one that invokes fear, can leave a permanent scar that one person cannot easily remove. I suggest that you start by going to counselling, first, with one person and if possible, a group session. it will not only help you unload the burdens that are bottled up inside you, but it might be a good way to bring positivity in your life. After sessions with your counselor, I hope that you will learn to crawl out of your shell and realize that NOT everyone is like your father. All you have to do it is to be with the right people that can influence you to put the past behind you. You can still change your future, and when is the best time than now? Just take it one step at a time and you will be fine.

see a counselor to get over your childhood and fear of men. you may have been abused but your possible sexual orientation doesn't have anything to do with abuse. you should seek counseling for that as well if you need help accepting the fact you might be gay.

Yes, I'd advise Cognitive Therapy. It is unclear what your present situation is: you seem stuck in the past, to some extent. See www.drdrew.com Understand that you have been conditioned into a belief in deity through the use of fear, and force. I, too, used to believe, until I realised that the process of evolution means that we were all once single celled organisms, with no brain, and no beliefs; not even the ability to move ourselves, and it was only in the last several million years that such a belief system came about. There is no reason to fear a god which does not exist.

That's worse than my dad! YES! See someone now! You can overcome it. I know it was a long time ago, but it's still left an impact on you.

hey alot of things happened between my dad and i, so if you want to talk about itor need advice add me blingindiamond@hotmail.com

You are absolutely the victim of abuse. If you still live there, get out now. Stay with anyone. Just not him. Is your mother around? What does she have to say for herself? Not reporting it makes hert an abuser as well for letting it continue. I too am avictim. I got help for it, disowned my father and the more time that passed between the present and the last time I saw him( along with treatment) the better I feel. Do not let this go on one more day. If you still live there, get out now. Pack what you can and leave. Then have an officer escort you back for the rest of your things. Abusers of children are often cowards. You will be surprised how he'll back down, especially when he sees the officer. Start leading a healthier life now. Without him in it.

This is not your fault!! Don't ever think that ok. Your father is the one who needed help way back then, but after all you have been through you would benefit with counseling too. No one should ever have to be afraid of their parent like that! And if you r gay now so what! You need to be comfortable in your own body and if that is what makes you comfortable then i wish you all the happiness in the world! Being gay is no big deal, people should love you for the person you are and accept you for who you are. I really do wish you the best!

Man you do have a lot of issues. And this one seems to be just a small part of the whole. So, while I am going to recommend counselling, I am not going to say you should seek it for just this issue. Rather, you need to find a strong mentor who will help you sort through a whole lot of personal issues. And as things get identified then the appropriate counselling may help with seeking a resolution to the specific issue.

20 years old time to give dad some caning assert yourself
boy stand up with a backbone,move away and do not contact the old man tell him to F-off. have a super day mate.

from now on, you should be saving up your money, and find a nice job with a nice salary, time will come that things will get worse, buy your own house, get separated, it's not rebellion, but hey.. before you do that be sure that you can
don't be a loner, if you feel afraid at your house bcoz of your dad, try to enjoy your life outside, don't let your dad ruin your life, is your dad an addict? or just... out of his head

No idea what a cane is. I have never even met my father. So feel lucky.

You probably deserved to be caned, son.