Explaining cancer to a child?

My mother has been receiving treatment for cancer since 2003. She has undergone three courses of chemotherapy, but on Friday we got the news that the disease has now overtaken her liver and spread into her lungs. She has been told further treatment would have a tiny chance of success and she should concentrate on trying to enjoy the "months" she has left. My parents own a house in France, they are going down there tomorrow and she expects to die there.

Obviously her family will be visiting and trying to make this period as easy as possible for her. My question is about my four year old son. He is going to see his granny deteriorate rapidly and eventually disappear from his life. We feel he is too young to understand the concept of death, does anyone have any advice on what (if anything) we should be saying to him?

Oh Lord I'm so sad for you and your family. I think the best way for a four year old is not to go into detail to much. You should explain that Gramma is very sick and when ever your son is around your mom watch closely as children have lots of energy your mom will want to spend lots of time with him but when she starts to look tired or in alot of pain take your son away for awhil. I'm trying to think if there are any good videos for children to explain this to them, I will look for you it may help your little boy to understand what's happening. I don't think a four year old can really grasp the concept of death but find him books about angels and heaven and try explain (with your mother's permission) that Gramma is ill and will be going to heaven where the angels are. I'm so sorry for your family my thoughts and prayers are with you. Pearl

I would really appreciate that I have cancer and I have to go for a scan on Mon they found two lumps in it. So I'm also on the lookout for something like this for my 8 year old neice. Thanks Pearl Report It

I dont know, my parents just told me my great grandmother died. It sounds bad, but i dunno. At a young age, i dont think kids are really in tune with the world, as much as you would think, so i would not worry too much now, just about later, when your child is more aware, and begins wondering why her grandmother died.

maybe wait until your child is older. he/she might not understand

Im very sorry about your mum,really and I hope she can have a couple of super-months yet and enjoy every minute with her family and loved-ones.As for your son TELL HIM THE TRUTH,its hard but there are some library-books which can advise you what is best way but THE TRUTH has to be told.I was 6 when my dad died and my mum and family only told me AFTERWARDS so I still miss SAYING goodbye to him .....33 years LATER,its still some kinda trauma for me,there was NO CLOSURE and I know your son is very young and his mind wont completely comprehend BUT HIS MEMORY WILL so if you are trying to hide it or tell a lie,he will BLAME you later on....for sure.Besides the HEAVY situation find private time with your son to do FUN things out of home,Im sure in France there will be a lot of beautiful things to do and see....for balance.Goodluck

Hey, im sorry to hear what your going through. Its always hard to explain to kids whats going on but sometimes they are more aware than what we give them credit for. Have a look at the Winstons Wish website, it may be of some help to you. www.winstonswish.org.uk I hope i have been of some help. Take care x

wow. all my best to you and your mom. this is a horrible thing to go through. i've had to deal with this a couple times. the whole concept of death is hard enough for a 4 yr old, now try to explain cancer. can't really be done. the best we can do is to tell them that the person is very sick with an illness that the doctors can't cure. if they ask about the person dying, i think they should know the truth. anything else would be a lie. i can tell you this, kids are more resilient than we give them credit for. they bounce back a lot easier than adults and are usually what keep us together when this happens. when my sis died my son was 7. they were very close. she decided one day that he shouldn't see her in the state he was in so he didn't see her deteriorate. that's probably best. as parents, we want our kids to remember the person the way they were when they were healthy. you know your child and what he's capable of understanding. follow your heart. you'll do the right thing. god bless.