Lately I have been really upset with my mother.
I'm 13, and I have never really fought with her before. Not like it's been.
I feel like she is hiding something from me. Something big.
I am suspicious that she got gastric bypass surgery.
Over the past few months she has had a lot of meetings, which she won't tell me what they are for. And then about a month ago she started on a "diet". She has already lost over 25 lbs!
I don't believe that possible for her, she has tried many diets, and over a course of five months of each of them she'd lose no more than 10 pounds.
She has recently cut off all alchohol, and been taking very many vitamins. Protien shots. Protien drops, daily calcium shakes, smoothies. And even some preschription meds that she says are for the flu, which I don't remember her having. I think she got the surgery when I was at my dads house, they are divorced and I go back and forth from week to week. So thats enough time for the surgery, but I understand that So thats enough time for the surgery, but I understand that the recovery is a much longer process.
She's also always feeling sick.
I don't know how to talk to her about this.
I've been talking to my dad about this for a few weeks. And my dad is a very smart guy. He believes it too. He's shown be articles about mood changes, rapid weight loss, and every other simptom.
I am currently really unhappy with her. I know she's hiding something, and I need some proof.
Ask questions too, I'll add additional details.
Just try to explain to me what might be going on. The truth is you are asking the wrong persons by coming here. I understand your mom's need for privacy but when you are genuinely concerned about her then you need to let her know.
The fact that you are suspicious and she is not giving details has made you angry at your mom and when you are angry you cannot talk to her because it will immediately put you both into defense mode. My suggestion is that on a good day ask your mom if you two can talk. Explain to her that you are really concerned about her. Let her know that you support her in any decision she may take or has already taken to get healthier and lose weight but you worry because she has been sick lately. Let her know that her taking a proactive role in her weight loss is not only important to her but to you also because overweight parents generally have overweight children and you would like to learn to eat healthier too. The most important thing is to let her know you love her and want to be there for her and help her...you two can do this together no matter if you are overweight or not, eating better will make you healthier.
Another thing, if your parents are divorced she may not want your dad knowing that she had a procedure to get healthy and this may be way she denies it with you. I can almost garuantee that if you've mentioned this to your dad he has probably mentioned it to her and though both of your parents love you they can sometimes be very mean and unsupportive of each other now that they are divorced. Your mom has to fee like she can trust you because her self esteem has probably been down and she may feel like you dad will frown on her or make fun of her. Us parents can really be mean to our ex's even if you never see it...we can sound like the most loving and supportive person in front of our children but when we face off with each other our words can be deadly.
On a final note, don't offer your mom sweets if she's had weight loss surgery she may still very well be able to eat some sweets and if she can't and does so just to make a point she could become ill and spend alot of time throwing up and then you'd feel bad for doing that. Having recently had gastric bypass surgery myself I can tell you that it bothers me when my husband eats sweets in front of me knowing I can't have them because regardless of this surgery my desire to eat sweets hasn't deminished all that much yet. If you really want to help her let her know that you would like her to teach you to eat healthier too.
Oh and if you don't know what to say to your mom just show her this question you ask and let her read the answers, seeing things in writing can sometimes speak volumes!! Personally I admire her if she is making healthy decision to change her weight because I know that she will be much happier and healthier.
Take care!! offer her sweets. if she did get the surgery she can not have any sweets!! that might not give you the direct answer, but it will help you get an idea. If your mother had gastric bypass surgery, I don't see why you are taking it so personally? With all respect, she is an adult and really does not have to clear decisions about her personal health with her teenage daughter. If your mother is taking better care of herself, eating better, cutting alcohol, losing weight and feeling better, shouldn't you be supportive? Gastric bypass surgery isn't a dirty secret. It is an invasive procedure for weight loss. Sure, it has its risks, but so does severe obesity. The decision to have this procedure is a very personal one and your mother may not feel comfortable talking about it to her daughter. I would suggest laying off the questions and condemnation and be supportive of your mother.
**Edit** It's really her decision whether to tell her family or not. There are a lot of emotions associated with it, not like getting your tonsils taken out. Obesity is one of the few things left where it's socially okay to ridicule someone. She may have been fearful of judgement, people thinking that she has no self control, is a weak person, etc. People (especially women) tend to be very sensitive about their weight. I'm just saying that you need to understand that this decision,if in fact she did have the surgery, is about HER. If she felt like she didn't want to disclose it to family, don't take it personally. Be supportive, non-judgemental. Good luck. SO LONG AS YOUR MOM IS SEEING A DR FOR HER HEALTH &VITAMINS SHE SHOULD BE GETTING BETTER!!GOD BLESS !YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS!! Surgey is a possibility. You also go to meetings for the Bariatric clinic too. They give you an injection to help.
I understand y u would b upset by her not talking to you about it. If it bothers you that bad, then you must talk to her. You never know, it could be a health problem, not bypass surgery. I think what has been written here is all true. Your mom needs to make up her own mind about what is right for her. Trying to be healthier is GREAT!!!
My guess is that if she did have it, she didn't want any negative vibes from people she loves. I have read about a lot of families who do awful things to another family member because of this surgery. She is trying to healthy, why would you ever criticise that?
She needs your support now. This may be a difficult transition for her right now. Give her the support you would want from her if you decided to take a difficult journey to make yourself a better person. |
