How do you not feel bitter and angry if youve had a bullying past where twisted people have hurt you, and?

infringed upon you as a person?
theyve devalued you demoralized you, and basically ive encountered lots of bullying and abuse in my past growing up, other peers and kids making me feel bad about myself, making me think im worth nothing through mental taunts...and unfortunatly ive encountered alot of this throughout my life. im 30 now and have borderline personality disorder......i think though this is where my feelings of rage and anger come from, my traumatised, abusive past.
i wanna know how do i not feel rage and anger to the extent i do? i have had this rage problem for a long time and i feel it all comes from my past..
now i find myself becoming enraged at reminders, people who mimick the bullies of the past, who behave like them, look like them...any reminders now and it makes me fills with rage.....people who look like, act like, the screwed up horrible bullies and victimizers i remember from my past. im angry at myself i didnt fight back, back then & i allowed them to make

im presently waiting for therapy...i have very low self
esteem to and have never made a friend or had a
relashionship with anyone in my life, no girlfriend ever.
my ultimate ambition is to emigrate from the uk,
to go build a new life...however its depressing to me
that its going to take along time to work towards this,
and can not just leave right away, i have alot of issues
to work through...so its making me feel trapped here,
like im being made to work through something i dont
wanna work through or go through..
does anyone think i can get through any of this, and make
it out of britain?
plus: can i ever get over the way my victimizers and bullies
have made me feel in my life?

i left the uk at 14 after lying about my age and applying to work on a ship and haven't been back since, i'm almost 31. i left coz of an obnoxious and rotten drunken stepfather who tried his best to make me feel unwanted and useless and i too am still disgusted by anyone who reminds me of him. i tend to think all rich folks are shallow and soulless since that's what he was like and my mother only went with him on account of his money, which makes me wonder if a lot of women aren't gold diggers. i can't say anything really helps except finally finding out that you can make it just fine on your own and being successful financially and in relationships. i never really believed i was as hopeless as me stepfather made me out to be, however, so perhaps i was in a better mental state than you. people abuse others for various reasons and usually it's got little to nothing to do with the victim and everything to do with the problems the abuser has himself (or herself). people never cease to amaze me with their idiocy though, even to this day. i just try as much as possible to surround myself with people who live their lives in the moment and try to be happy and have a good time coz you never know if today might be your last; we're all only here such a short time so don't waste it thinking of sad ****; try to get past it and enjoy the time you have here.

aww that sounds horrible

i my self have encountered bieng bullied and seen others be bullied but that doesnt mean im gonna be like them and another thing about that is i try not to let it get to me were all great people some worst then others but not in looks or height or anything like that just from our hearts were all beautiful on the inside and i think the best thing to do is not let bullying get to u and dont trun out to be like them and dont let the past follow u ;)

Sit down. Close your eyes. Think of a garden full of peaceful things, and a woman skipping towards you. Take deep breaths. Repeat.

you need to let go simple as, the past was the past why let it spoil your life now?

regards x kitti x

not as long as you are not able to let go.

Watch Anger Management starring Adam Sandler

this will always be who you are but you must learn how to teach others gentler kinder ways to deal with bullies. its all bull and lies dont give in, stand up for the new underdogs. good luck

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/The...

Hey man I used to be a bully in high school and junior high and now I cant believe what I did. It sickens me to think I could have treated people that badly and sometimes they were better people then me and it worries me that I caused them long term damage cause i sure made school hell for them. I think it was my own lack of self esteem that made me so mean to others who couldnt really do anything about it back then. Good luck and I hope the treatment works and I think schools have to start cracking down on this sort of stuff.

i think you need to forget the pass and move on the bullies were not worth thinking about there the ones with the prob not you why punnish your self for someone else take up some sport or start to go out more and stop trapping your self in my friend get out more dont treat your self like a prisoner everyone get bulied in there young age but we all grow out of it

I've been there myself. On my blog (website below), you will see... "From Child to Now"...

I elude to a few things in there. I didn't go into great detail. I was sexually abused several times by my babysitters son. Then it happened again with a neighbor kid. This led to depression as a child and then I started gaining weight...

Well, in fourth grade the teasing started. I was constantly picked on and would have feelings of rage as well.

I can tell you that it gets to a point that your feelings about what happened take over your life and you need to be the one to make the conscious decision to let it go. Don't forget... but just "forgive" them. (I say don't forget, because those who do forget their past are destined to repeat it... I firmly believe this).

Unfortunately, you need to be the one to let it go. Unfair I know. All it will do is eat at you and suck any of the happiness you have in your life.

It's not an easy thing to do. I have just recently (I'm 35) started to accept myself.

I was always mentally bullied at school, but not extremely at all because my high school is fairly 'nice', I was bullied more at primary. Their reason was I was a Christian, or I didn't have that many friends, my hair style wasn't 'in'. But being a Christian is why I don't dwell on the bullies remarks. God protected me from them and still does today, and he takes away all my burdens.

Hope this was helpful.

This may or may not help, but hear me out, cause it worked for me. I've been in a situation similar to yours, and I found that although I felt angry at these people, what really ticked me off was thinking about how I acted and how things could have been better if I did something other than what I did. Whenever I'd think about these moments in my past, I'd find myself thinking, "Oh man, if only I did this instead of that, then maybe things would have been great, and if only I said this rather than that...". When ever I thought of things like that, I'd just go crazy, thinking about what would have happened and what could have happened. This went on for a while, until one day I just got a click in my head that made all of that stress and rage go away. I realized that If I just learned to forget what happened in the past, and shrug off my bad thoughts, I could finally stop feeling like crap. Assuming your situation is the same as mine, my advice to you would be to try your hardest to forget it and stop thinking about what could have been. The thing is that if you keep thinking these thoughts, you will never escape that rage that just completely makes you feel like crap. Rather than thinking that there could have been a way to prevent all of this, think about the fact that its over, and theres nothing you can do to change that. Just live your life without regrets. Feel free to hate the people that bullied you, but never hate yourself for the way you responded. Just remember that its in the past, theres nothing you can do to change that, and that only rage will come of thinking about could have been done to change everything. Instead of getting pissed about the past, learn from any mistakes or regrets you may have and make sure they dont happen again.

Well the good news is that you are strong enough to voice how you are feeling. That is a good start. Reward yourself for having survived them. Stop being angry at yourself and honour the youngster who was bullied and survived. So many don't!
The bad news? You are still empowering the bullies by allowing them to have such a strong hold on your memories.
They are small insignificant, ugly minded people. They betrayed themselves by their behaviour, not you and you have to learn to stop hating them and start to pity them because they cannot be strong like you.
Try spending some time each day writing down your feelings towards them and then replace the words of anger and hatred with those of forgiveness and pity.
Instead of " I hate you for what you did to me!(etc)" it becomes :
"I forgive you for what you did to me. I understand that you chose me because you saw me as a strong individual and you needed to fight to overcome me. You made me feel diminished for a while but I am stronger now and I am becoming healed with love and warmth. I forgive you."
Then place one hand on your heart and allow yourself feel a warmth spreading inside you. As it spreads allow yourself to smile, not just with your facial muscles but inside yourself as well.
You certainly can overcome this and build yourself a new life.
Don't wait for a therapist to show you the path. You are strong , intelligent and you have started the journey already.
You have a ready made support group here on Answers and we are all rooting for you.
Take care and be strong.

I was bullied quite a bit in school and did have the anger you have for quite a while. I got in loads of fights because of taunting and name calling. I had planned to sort people out when i left school and bulked up, but then time changes you and I have mellowed out. It wasnt nice at the time but now I feel I am mentally tough. I played rugby quite a bit and went to the gym to vent my anger. You need to have therapy about your past but now it seems you are still punishing yourself. I would suggest you try to do things to build your self esteem, maybe voluntary of charity work which will make you feel fantastic because you are helping people. Look to the future.

hi! what you need to do is tell yourself about you- look in the mirror and do it- and all the things you like about yourself are the things you need to show others
they will like you and you will be able to prevent negative impressions about you

If someone confronts you with something to your face then you handle it in an appropriate manner.You cant let no one try to play mind games or have a weak mind because then your in trouble.I have studied the bible and I know that god is going to destroy those people who do evil things and that's something to look foward to dont you think? I cant think of the scripture in the bible right now, but there is a scripture in the bible that says not to take revenge on anyone because his revenge is worse than any human beings revenge.When armegeddon comes there going to be taken care of and hopefully there not alive at that time.So I dont care if someone doesnt like me, I wasnt put on this earth to please no one.

You just let it go. You chalk it up to experience and realize that it was not your fault, and then you let it go. Get therapy to relearn how to react to different situations and towards people. Maybe try some meds that may help your anxiety and anger issues. Alot of peopl dont think that its possible to just let it go, but believe me it is...........

I was sexually abused by several of my biological mother's customers. She was a prostitute. My sister and I were finally removed by social services when I was almost 4. I went to 2 different foster homes and 1 group home before I was finnally adopted. Everything went alright until I turned 8 and my adoptive brother started sexually abusing me. That lasted until I finnally had the guts to tell on him when I was 10. We recived therapy as a family, but I always felt like the therapy was geared more towards me. Like I had seduced my brother. At 15 my adoptive dad started to do some innappropriate things, and when I had told my mother, she accused me of fantasizing about my 50+ old adoptive father. I was treated as the black sheep. Of couse the police were involved both times and my adoptive mother did everything in her power to discredit me. So justice was never served. I ran away when I was 17. Had my son when I was 19. My mom was in the birthing room telling the nurses that I need to giv the baby up for adoption because I wouldnt make a good mother. It was like she was trying to get them to do it against my will. My sons father is a piece of ****. He has paid maybe 1000 dollars in child support in 7 years. He tryed to get my rights taken away. Lied saying that I had tryed to kill myself and had threatened to kill my baby! TOTAL lies.

So yeah I hear you. I understand. I became severely depressed, but denied it for years. I did some things I am not proud of and got into alot of trouble recently. The arrest and conviction were actually a blessing in disguise. I was court ordered to ge therapy, and to take any meds that my therapist had seen fit. I have been doing so. She put m on wellbutrin. It has totally changed the way I think! I fel so much better. I am not living in the 3rd person anymore and I am not letting my anger and sadness run my life!

Sorry this was sooooo long. I just thought maybe you should know that you arent alone.

Hey Roland, Was' up? Alright here is the first thing ya do when ya get up and look in the mirror tommorow: Stand up tall,throw out your chest, shoulders back and look youself stright in the eye with your head held up and say out loud: "Roland , You are the hottest,coolest ,baddest SOB on the block ,wink, and then say "Not to mention the ladies are dyin' to get in my pants"!!!Now take it to the streets. First person ya run up on who ya see doin' somebody wrong , stop and say "Don't F-- with him / (her) !! They in turn might say "What"? you reply "What,are ya as deaf as ya are stupid or just plain ugly and blind"? Then say " I'm leavin' and if ya don't do the same and leave this guy / girl alone I will be back, " ! yell this, " NOW SCRAM", NOW!!!!! When ya say this bring it up from your insides and with all the pent up anger to boot, so to speak. Now ,after work you are going to change your image. Get different clothes,different shoes and a different haircut. Your image and attitude is about to change. You see some "babes' standing around walk by and say "Lookin' Good Ladies,Lookin' GOOD!!!!Let me tell ya something about girls, when ya do or say that it's a good thing when they giggle cause women do this when they like what they hear. It's not a putdown but a compliment to all of them and ,well ,thats just what they do when they hear something they like or a guy they like hearing it from. Learn to wink ,casually not a big ol' "I got something in my eye but a flirtatious kinda small bat of one eye. See, women are not going to come up and land on your doorstep(not right away , anyway ) so to get a girl ya got to be BOLD,BRASH and cool all rolled into one. Now when it comes to friends, to get a friend , ya got to be one. Offer your help on something,anything(preferrably a small thing) . Don't hesitate to introduce yourself and walk up to people (Guys and Gals alike cause Gals can be a friend too) . Hey sometimes a little good natured kidding by someone might be interpreted as a taunt . A jokingly manner about something just might be missconstrued as a "putdown" . OK? Ok, you 've heard all the taunts bullying remarks over the yrs. so now ya have something to draw on for a snappy "comeback line" . Hey man, never let your co-horts know ya can't take a joke,OK?Casuse if ya do they will ride you unmercifully. So joke right back with them. There is an old saying"You have to roll with the punches to stay on your feet".Now, lets get back to the ladies, Like I said before,head up,shoulders back , put some "dip in your hips" and a spring in your step. Look everyone in the eye and say either "Hey,Hi, whatever is a common greeting there in the neighborhood. And the women,you see a girl with a new haircut or color change, say "Lookin' Good, Lookin' Good. I LIKE THAT NEW DEW YA GOT!! (Be enthusiastic but don't go overboard). Watch them smile and not just the young ones either ,say it to the older ladies as well. You see a woman with something on new or just ,I don't know, say she is fluffing up her hair or checking hrself out in a mirror or her reflection , say" OH YEA, LOOKIN' GOOD" ( In a slightly deeper voice than normal) See, ya got to give a compliment to get one . (Just like the be a friend to get a friend, remember)? After about a week to a moth of this people are going to start looking at you differently, or from a different perspective. See, you have cured your own problem with this low self esteem thing. Ya see them laughing with you instead of at you now and think of it that way. Let's move on to getting a date. Now you have been complmenting women both as a group and individually. When complimenting a woman individually make sure ya don't do it loud enough or close enough so another woman can hear you cause you are working at going out with all of them ,understand what I'm saying? OK, by now a couple of the girls are thinking about you. Women have 2 or 4 ways to act interested ,wearing more / different clothes to seek your approval and they are now passing by closer and speaking to you before you get to speak to them, or they may be shy also,like you once were and the other ways are "gut instinct on your part"! Hey, ask one ( where no one else can hear ya) " So,( something to do with your job or her's) have you been able to nail down that So and So(whatever is work related) and say something like 'Oh Boy is my project a real brick wall. Can't seem to come up with what I need. ( act a little helpless as women LOVE to play the role of Florence Nightingale. Say, You wouldn't like to go get a cup of coffee / tea / drink / bite to eat, at what ever is close to work or maybe they will come up with a place to go. Just play it cool and see what happens while waiting for a responce. Maybe she will accept the invitation maybe she has something else to do. If she does have a previous engagement or appointment and can't. So if that's the case ,then say OK, Maybe another time then? Well maybe she will and maybe she won't. " Hey, No worries Mate" cause if the signs point towards a "strikeout' just remember to "try, try again" with all the others you have been complimenting and speaking too and move on to the next one and so forth and so on. In the game of Baseball the MOST VALUABLE PLAYERS CAN AND DO STRIKE OUT 7 TIMES OUT OF 10!!! Batting avg is .300 and that's considered a "GREAT HITTER" !!

NOT YOU AGAIN !!

I am very sorry to hear all this. There are a lot of people who bully and they are clearly inadequate people - Have you ever considered studying bullying? I think it would surprise you to find out that bullies are usually victims of abuse of some sort of another. They are very likely to have low self-esteem and dislike themselves. I think compassion from you towards the bully would be an interesting angle for you to go on. If you felt sorry for them your rage would go by degrees. Anyway, you can't run away from it. No matter where you go in the world, you are going to be you! So, you might as well put some of your energy into getting this situation sorted. You know that your passion and strength shine through in your question and I wondered if you could use some of these amazing qualities to help others who have suffered too? Schools need people like you to go around and talk to kids and help them - I think you would be a wonderful candidate for that type of work. You can't fight your own bullies but maybe you could help those suffering now.

You didn't fight back because your not a bully or a nasty person yourself. Your far better than that. You should give yourself more credit. Your here now, you survived it therefore you deserve a medal and should wear it with pride. As for the people who treated you so badly,well, you really should feel pity for them because they're not happy, they're the jealous, bitter, twisted ones who are more than likely f**ked up. Forget them and everything they did because your letting them ruin your future. Gain strength from whats happened and look forward to a good future because you are by far the better person.

first, one must take the time to breathe. then practice the art of ignoring. do not put so much importance upon the opinion of any one else. look to a higher power to give you the direction. create your own mantra, a simple phrase such as "1,2,3,4" repeated over and over to prevent showing the attackers you are vulnerable. if you do not appear that way, you won't be it.

this is errie but ur story is similar to mine exceot i'm on this side of ocean i was bullyed in school and on jobs i'm 31 and out of work but hoping to change that. I also gave no friends male or female but i have in past. Hearing ur story helped me and i hope mine helped. After 28 yrs I moved from new york to new engalnd move was god but did not change everything.
By all means make move but don;t expect mracle cause it will set u up for failure that happened to me. I am h appy with move but also understand it aint cure all. I get enraged cause i hve litle money cause i was fired this is self destructive and knowing its not not god to be enraged is 1st step to cure