How can I cope with repeated bereavement?

I feel like I see more death than I see life. I have lost so many people who are close to me and I still am losing them. Just since the beginning of this year I lost two people, then my uncle last week and my cousin just two days ago. That's four in less than three months. I find that all I think about now is who is going to be next. I can't seem to enjoy times with the people I love because I am consumed with fear of them dying. Can anyone advise me on how to cope with this?

first of all I'm sorry for your losses. Losing people who are close to you is never something you get over it is something that you get through. however as for the fears that you are having are very understndable but you should definatly go get some grief counsling. that can help you deal with what is going on around you. Also as you can see life is to short to worry about who is going to die next. Enjoy the time you have the people who are around you still. Hope this helps and you will be in my prayers.

Read this web page about enlightenment. It will help you understand you and feel better. Everyone dies but what are we really here for. It has info from psychologists and cosmology and discuses the secret of life.

http://www.phifoundation.org/enlightenme...

wow that is alot, its got to be natural to be feeling as precarious as you are, I would be.

Have you spoken to a doctor or medical professional? they may beable to put you in touch with groups or associations who can help and support you, it wont always feel this bad.

I think that you need alot of support right now and even though it probably scares you as you worry they may die, its what you will need. No man is an island, we all need support and no one is able to cope even with day to day stuff, withoug human support and human contact.

At first you will no doubt live on a day-to-day basis, and only be able to mouth the words so to speak, but it will get easier.

When you feel able to get to grips with whats happened- deal with it, accept it I mean, may be then you could look at getting some type of treatment. Different treatments work differently for different people, some choose psychiarty (psychotherpy) some choose hypnotism, some gain a religion, there are many ways of dealing with things, but for right now I'd just try to gather yourself a support net work to enable you to keep going, day to day, hour by hour.

It will get easier.

I know what you're going through. I've lost most of my friends and a sister in the last few years. I have a dark sense of humor and keep telling my few remaining friends that they need to take extra good care of themselves because I'm running out of friends.

It's normal to be fearful that you will lose more people. You've been through a lot. The worst is probably past and things will calm down now. You need some time without a loss to recover. In time, you'll be okay. It's a matter of time.

I don't know what will help you, but I find comfort in the idea that there is an afterlife and I'll eventually see these people again. It's my belief that their energy has gone on to another plane and they're well where they are. I sometimes talk to people I miss; out loud or in my head. I find some comfort in that. I'll start talking to empty air with, "Ruth, if you can hear me...." and go on with what I'd want them to know if I could write to them or call. At worst, it's harmless and who knows, maybe they can hear me.

You'll never quit missing these people but you learn to live with it in time. Time is the only cure. My heart goes out to you. Hang in there.

Seriously, look in the phone book for your community and find a larger hospice agency. Contact them, ask to speak with either a nurse or a social worker. They are trained in helping people in your situation. And, remember this: I strongly recommend that you seek that help because with multiple losses, your health will suffer in this following year without appropriate interventions, OK? I was a hospice nurse, but, I, too, have suffered weirdly a huge number of personal losses. It's devastating. I especially am concerned about what you said about not being able to enjoy time with people because you have fears that they, too, will die. You can easily get messed up thinking like that. Also, remember this: You are alive. Your loved ones whom you have lost would not want anything to happen to you or cause you to squander your own precious life on so much sorrow. Take very good care of yourself throughout this next year.

I have said this on a number of occasions the word 'life' is misleading, we are all born to die and death becomes a certainty from our very first heartbeat.

I have been accused of being morbid for seeing existence in this way, given the everyday use of the word 'life' it isn't surprising to me at all that human beings are very bad at coping with their own, and the ones they love, brief existence.

The universe is roughly 19 billion years old, every atom in our body is the same age, my advice is to listen to Motown, Tori Amos, Dizzee Rascal, The Pixies and The Cure.

thats just badluck, every1 has gotta go sometime.

The fact that you are fearing that others will also die is just a passing phase. Of course many of us have felt the feeling of loss, which is truly irreplaceable. Pray to God, especially the Holy Spirit to give you the peace of mind. It works wonders, always.

I am so extremely sorry for all the pain and bereavement you're experiencing right now. My heart just aches for you. I doubt that anyone here is going to have a simple remedy for you. Time seems to be the best cure for heartache, but until you reach that point I'd suggest that you discuss how you're feeling with your GP. That's what you need: a professional listening ear.

People die and it is a fact of life. Grieving is a natural process but if it continues for an extended period of time (i.e. more than 6 months) then it has possibly triggered mental illness that would need to be treated.
Four people dying in less that three months is very unlucky but the questions you have to ask yourself are:
1) Would the dead person / people want their deaths to have a negative affect on your life?
If they cared about you then they would want you to be happy and would be horrified if you let their deaths cause long-term problems in your own life.
2) Is your fear a rational one?
Four people dying in less than three months is highly unlikely. This means that the chances of a fifth person you care about dying any time soon must be extremely low (unless you have a relative or friend on deaths door).
3) Why is death such a bad thing?
Society has fostered the belief (driven by instincts and religion) that death is a hideous thing that must be avoided at all costs. The fact is that it is a natural part of life and we were all dead for an eternity before we were born and in 50-100 years we鈥檒l all be dead again. The only bad thing in this world is suffering and you have to be alive to suffer.

Tips for shortening the grieving process and ending your irrational fear:

1) Breaking any anchors to your friends and relatives
You hear of mothers cooking dinner for their dead child every night and keeping photos of them all over the house. They bake a cake on their birthday and pack their bag for the start of each school term. This is a classic way to focus your attention more and more on the grieving process, entrenching it and making it last longer (if not forever).
I鈥檓 not saying remove all anchors (i.e. photos) forever but just for the time being until you are able to look at this situation more rationally.

2) 7-11 Breathing
The Human Givens APET model of human behaviour states that emotions precede thought. If you breathe in to the count of 7 and out to the count of 11 (i.e. breathe out for longer than you breathe in) then because of some quirk of the nervous system your body has to relax. If you do this whenever you begin to feel uneasy you will be able to calm yourself down very quickly.

http://hypnosisdownloads.com/downloads/s...
If you purchase the above hypnosis download then you can train your brain to get you to breathe in a more relaxed way automatically during times when your irrational fear starts to kick in.

3) Less introspection time
You hear of people who throw themselves into their work after their partner dies. This is actually a good technique to make it through the worst part of the grieving process. By keeping busy you give yourself less time to introspect which stops your brain focussing on grieving, irrational fears of more relatives dying etc. This also prevents entrenchment and worsening of your symptoms.

4) NLP and CBT Techniques
Some NLP and CBT techniques may assist you in overcoming this problem:
CBT Techniques:
If you catch your internal voice speaking to you in terms of loved ones dying then try to stop it and replace what it鈥檚 saying with a more balanced view of the situation. Maybe ask yourself what you would have thought of before this happened or what somebody who is not emotionally attached would think of this situation.

NLP Techniques:
If you are seeing lots of pictures or movies in your minds eye when you feel the fear then try shrinking them down to nothing, sending them off into the distance or draining the colour out of them. This may make you feel differently.
In addition you can try playing with the volume, speed or tone of your internal voice when it starts fear mongering. I find it helps to make it sound like a cartoon character like Sylvester or tweety pie.

The recommendations above do really work, I鈥檝e tried them myself, but you have to make the effort to apply them for a few weeks.

Good luck and all the best