Is the pill to make memories go away good or bad?

The other day when i went on to yahoo to check my email i saw in there news "pill to rid bad memories". I thought wow i really need that. then went on to check my mail. well tonight i was lying in bed crying like i do about everynight anymore. All i do is pray to god every single day to take my bad memoires go away. I'm so depressed 24/7 to the point i never want to do anything just lay in bed and sleep or cry. Ive been like this as long as i can remember. where if something bad happeneds to me i obsess about it for a long while replaying it over n over in my head. Even the littlest things used to do it. but in time they go away but w/ these memories there as strong as ever even after 2 years and they wont go away no matter what i do.

Well when i was layin in bed i was praying to god to make the bad memories go away or to just let me go back in time. but then i rememebered the pill for bad memories. so i got onto the site and watched the 60 mintues interviews on it. I NEED IT BAD!! I think it said Bush doesnt approve of it cuz we have to learn for bad memoires. I agree but when someone is like me and has fears so bad they cant function in life its needed. Ive gotten to the point were i just want to blow my brains out to make the pain stop. If it wasnt for my son id be dead right now. i think about killing myself all the time to make these bad memories go away but then i think bout him and i dont. I know people will hate me for even saying i want to kill myself but i cant help it im in such emotional pain and it wont stop it even makes my insides hurt.On the study they had people who were hit by a car and one that was raped and it helped them. and i think "god they had something worse happen to them". but i was always a good baby, good kid, good teenager. and i always put other people b4 me. and now all i think about everyday bout 10 times a day is how, my babys daddy played me from the start, that when i was falling in love w/ him he was screwing everyone and lieing to me about it even when i was telling him i was a virgin and he was gonna be my 1st. then after i moved in w/ him he tried to get a female to come over when i was at work that was when we were living together a month. then he was always trying to see woman naked online on web cam. telling them he had no gf. then he was tell his ex gf he wasnted her back cuz i was to quite for him. then around that time i was finding out everything so i would hit him and then he would beat the **** out of me. then i got preg. i stopped hitting him but i threw stuff at him but hed still hit me. then he was talking to another ex behind my back, flirting w/ my niece, flirting w/ my friends cousin. trying to meet young girls for sex. trying to cheat on me w/ different sns online. and then he got to the point where all is have to do was make him mad and hed give me the worst black n blue marks ive ever had in mylife. but anyway, in the interviews they said people need to learn from heart break. that it makes us better people. like i said i was a good baby, kid and teenager, i never really hated anyone b4 him. having the heart break has made me a bad person where i just hate everyone and everything. but i sit n replay it all over n over n ask y me??? all i did was love him more than anyone i ever loved. i promised to never cheat on him, i never even looked at other guys for the longest time when i was w/ him, and for the 1st year i never lied to him i told him the truth bout everything. but all he did was lie to me all the time!!

I really need some kind of help. i want to go see someone about it but i have soical anxiety and it makes it hard to talk to people in person expecailly ones idk. I just dont know what to do but something has got to be done or im going to straight up lose my mind or kill myself cuz no matter what i do i cant get these bad memories to go away.

Go see a doctor and if you cannot make it
call Lifeline 13 11 14 (Australia wide)

Things WILL get better

hello it may be rong to love but people have what thay have if you love him draw a line ?? does he love you and to what extent there is onley one you make your self happy for you have a good day work for your self Report It

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If you are feeling suicidal, you need to go to a doctor as soon as you possibly can.

All that other stuff that you talk about, that stuff will heal in time, but unless you go to the doctor to get the help you need, this will only get worse. Bad stuff happens to everyone, but those things are not what needs to be dealt with now. Your mental state is the important thing here.

Go to a doctor now, and tell him or her exactly what you have said here.