Autism????????

I have a little sister with severe autsim and mental retardation. She can't talk or read or write she needs help on day to day activities and I just don't know what to do about it. She's 12 years old and when I hear other kids making fun of kids like her I get hurt. bad. I feel like its my fault even though I know it isn't for a fact. I just don't know how to tell the kids to stop saying retard. I've tried to before but I get shot down and yelled at for it. Now I'm quiet about it and I'm holding it in and when I try to just talk about it with my parents or friends at school they don't know what to say. Councelers make me mad bc they haven't been there. I just want to talk to someone my age who deals with the same things but how can I find someone?

There's a book called "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens" by Sean Covey. I highly recommend it as it goes over a lot of situations that teenagers go through and is quite informative and helpful. In terms of teens your age who might be going through the same thing you might want to talk to a counselor or a nice teacher at your school and ask them if they know of any either in the school or in the school district.. Just say "Do you know of any other students at this school who have an autistic sibling?" Sometimes, asking is very helpful. BTW, the important thing is that you are trying to do the right thing. As for people who use words like "Retard" you may want to think of it this way: most people who say nasty stuff like that actually feel inferior themselves. This is called Transference or "passing the hot potato". They feel bad about themselves so they try to "transfer" that bad feeling to someone else. Don't be too mad at them as they are just showing you how inferior they feel and how ignorant they are. BTW, heres a quote from Viktor Frankl that sort of sums up another way of thinking about things "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. " Good Luck.

Kids are so cruel. Well, being 12 years old then really theres not much you can do, they mainly got that behavior probably from their parents. Or they wanna look kewl to their friends plus they dont acknowledge how it may hurt you or your sister. I have a daughter who for many years they thought was autist and she got made fun of and I would scream and cry and do whatever but it never helped or solved anything. Just realize they are kids just saying bad things. I know the words hurt but you need to look within and realize they are just words and you know your sister and you know she is not like that....I always tell myself when things like this occur...whatever goes around comes around and it hurts badly when it comes back to you. Believe me I have done things in the past and it has came back on me and boy was it ever worst then what I had done to someone else.

My daughter who is now 10 still gets made fun of but like I tell her, you know who you are on the inside and they only making fun of you because they are unsure of whom they are or even jealous of the love we have in our family and will say hurtful things when they are the ones truely hurting. For someone to have to stoop to make fun of someone else is not much of a person I want to have in my life. I know it hurts, I still see the hurt in her eyes, just try to keep positive attitude and talk positivety about it.

You could search Autism on the internet. I know there are support groups for parents of children with Autism, so you should be able to find something for other family members as well. Also, if your sister gets help from any community organizations they might be able to give you some resources in your area.

I totally understand where you are coming from...I have an 18 yr old autistic son and when he was in school kids did mean things to him..They would put his food on the floor then make him eat it....You have to look at it this way it's not you sister who is retarded it is the people making fun of her and the people who don't want to understand them...Please try to get your parents to get involved and make sure no one hurts her...

hi,
Your posting didn't say how old you are. I know your sister is 12. You sound very wise for your age. You are in a hard situation, one that most of the other people around you can't understand.
I have been the sister of a special needs sibling. I grew up with a sister who is severly mentally and physically handicapped. My sister was only a year older than me. My sister took much of my parents' time. It was hard for everything to always be about my sister all the time. I had to be the caretaker many times. I was expected to look out for my sister. I had to take her places with me when all I wanted was to have life be "normal" for a while. It was difficult to hear others tease her, and eventually me too, calling me a "retard" too, even though my sister's disability came as the result of a car accident.
I am now the mother of a child with autism and adhd. She is nine. Life is not easy for her, much like your sister. Some things that I went through as the sister of a special needs sibling have helped me in parenting this child.
Some advice:
1: Don't feel guilty about having time away from your sibling to do things with out her. You need it. If you don't get time away with the rest of your family (without you disabled sibling), suggest to your parents that maybe they could find respite care for your sister so that you might go to dinner or even a short vacation or camping trip. It is sometimes needed to give everyone a much needed break.
2. Bullying is never ok. Tell an adult about it, a teacher or parent. It is not ok. It hurts your sister terribly and there isn't much she can do about it. You need to try to step up. You may not be able to stand up to them, as it might become a fight, but you can talk to an adult or someone who can do something about it.
3. There are autism support groups in many communities. Many of them also have support groups for siblings. Talk to your parents about attending them. If this is not an option, there are also some support groups with bulletin boards and chat rooms on the internet specifically for this purpose. There you can find others who have been there. It is not easy to be where you are, and many people can't understand because they haven't been there. Our situation is unique. Let your parents know that you need to find a support group. But probably your best help could come from someone you may never have thought of before: Your sister's special education teacher. The schools (through your sister's Individual Education Plan) are actually required by law to assist the family of a child with a disability with finding help (even counseling resources). Talk to your parents about this, it could help alot. If the school says that they are not responsible for that kind of assistance, ask your mother to read her paper that they give her before the start of each IEP meeting. Among the many rights listed is this one. Have her get a copy and take it to the school, if necessary. She can actually request one from the school.