I can't cope with my Grandma's alzheimer's?

My grandma has had alzheimer's for many years and it is at the point where she can't leave her bed. It's torture watching her like this when she was so independant and looked after me and my sister so well. I miss her so much and I hate seeing her like this so much. I am really really upset about it, I miss her and I want her back. I think it's depressing me because I hate myself, and sometimes my life, and my sadness about it has taken over. I know that her alzheimer's will kill her eventually. Please help me because I can't get over her.

This is very, very sad. I spent many long hours with my mom, watching helplessly as she went that way. When she was at the stage your grandmother is at, I kept saying to myself - that is not my mother. It was grueling. I don't really think this is a format for poems and such, but maybe this will help. I would have sent it privately, and anonymously if I could have. Sorry.

I Saw a Swan

I saw a swan rising into the sky,
On new wings, learning how to fly,
I watched her flapping, a gift to me,
Together we flew out to the sea,

I saw a swan turn and fly away,
To find her place, drink in the day,
To better use her powers of flight,
She sailed into a warm, soft night,
I saw a swan soaring high above,
Carrying others on her wings of love,
To protect them and fulfill their needs,
Living, growing, and planting seeds,
I saw a swan gliding over my head,
With thoughts of love she forged ahead,
Thoughts of people, and places she'd been,
All the wonders she'd like to see again,
I saw a swan, flying slower now,
In pain, she flapped her wings somehow,
Wanting to carry, as she had before,
And fearful of what might lie in store,
I saw a swan, who could no longer fly,
Yearning to soar once more in the sky,
Longing to serve, now it was her turn,
It was a difficult lesson for us to learn,

I saw an angel rising into the sky,
On new wings learning how to fly,
With those of an angel, again to soar,
Where swans fly free forever more.

Those we love stay with us in all we are - and all we do - long after they are physically gone.

I know it's difficult to see a loved one who was once so functional and so independant that way. There are support groups that you can attend, where people feel exactly the same way you do! I think that's what you need most right now. People to relate to, to share stories with. As a result, you'll find strength in them and through them. Seriously consider this... good luck.

this is a very sad disease to watch someone suffer with. I too lost my grandma to alzheimers, My best advice to you is to attend some alzheimers awareness programs and educate yourself on this disease and see your doctor about getting you on something to ease your nerves a little bit, I saw your posting prior to this one and it sounds like you do need some help. I know it's hard but sometimes when we learn more about this disease we can understand on how to work with someone who has it. God bless

You are so selfish! She's the one who is suffering and all you can think about is how it affects you! How dare you!

It is very hard to watch someone succumb to this disease. There are Alzheimer's support groups that are very helpful. U need support going through this. Maybe check to see if they have one in your area. Be there for her even if she doesn't remember who you are! Just being there may be keeping her calm.... talk to her, read to her, take her some music to listen to. I know it is hard. My husband's granny had alzheimer's for about 5 years before she died. She would be so sweet to me but she had no idea who i was the last year. She just loved seeing my kids! Sometimes she would call them by her children's name and they would just answer her and giggle and smile! But towards the end she was bed ridden with a feeding tube and it was hard but we would just read and my kids would take her pictures they drew.. I think it helped a lot that I was in nursing school and all my classmates knew her by taking care of her and supported us through it.. It helps when your in with a group that knows what you are going through! Good luck and may God be with you all at this time!

I'm watching my grandmother die slowly of Alzheimer's also, but after watching my mom and my grandfather die of cancer in the past 3 years, I've become so emotionally numb.

I strongly recommend that you find a support group for families of Alzheimer's patients. You may find it helpful talking with others, and learning more about the disease and how others cope.

EDIT:

Wounded Duck; If you have nothing of consequence to say, **** OFF.

I'm in the same position as you are. My grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease back in 1998. It's hard for me to see her (distance plus she's not the same person that I knew). She was independent, traveled and was involved with her groups. It's even more difficult because friends that are her age are independent and still get around.

I've been able to cope because I do have some friends who've had family members with the disease and I'm able to talk with them about it. I also remember all of the good times I had with her and the special things that she would do for me.

Check in your area for support groups for families with loved ones with Alzheimer's, and if those don't help, try professional help.