Alcoholism / Alcoholic behavior...?

I have limited exposure to alcoholism from various stages and people in my life...and currently involved with a recovering alcoholic... I try to support others going through the same thing... and had a friend say this to me recently ---

"One thing I'm coming to grips with right now is that, regardless of what he says, alcohol is his #1 love, not me. He will beg, borrow, steal and lie to get it - and I couldn't say for sure if he'd go to those lengths for me! Should we be sympathetic to the fact that this addiction and disease
is making them lie and hurt us? Somedays I feel there is a fine line between being supportive and being a total pushover."

Has anyone felt this same way? have you felt you were being supportive and a pushover or did you feel you were being one more than the other.. and how?

How did you cope with what you felt versus knowing what you had to do?

Addicts CAN stop.... Don't let them manipulate you. Give them help to stop, but don't enable their addiction.

Gah. This question could have been written by me at parts. You are absolutely right... it is so hard to tell whether one is being helpful or an enabler. Unfortunately, I also am in the middle of a similar situation. I have little advice, only to say that I think this situation is far to common. Because you can't FORCE anyone to do anything they don't want to do but you can't allow them to continue in destructive behavior. I think the bottom line is if she is happy in the relationship and this is a minor issue... seek help together. If she is being emotional traumatized by this and it is causing her serious grief, stress, etc. than one has to look our for them self number one. If that makes any sense... I know I'm rambling a bit. In general, in any relationship, both individuals need to work on giving and taking for things that bother the other person. If he can't give up his drinking because it bothers her... he probably can't commit in other areas as well. She should never feel second best, especially to alcohol.

I think this was good advice for myself. If this is what I would tell another person as advice than I need to do the same. Ask her what she would say if it was HER friend or little sister in the scenario.

Good luck...

my son is a crackhead. it's all still the disease of addiction. yes there is a fine line between support and enabling. some times I have to tell him he cant come to my house, because if he is "caught in the grip" he will steal from me. I used to give him money all the time, thinking I was helping him. I learned at AL-ANON that I was only helping his addiction. I also learned to "love him from a distance". This means he has to stay away from me when he's using. It was very hard to tell him to stay away from me, I cried alot for days. But I've learned that I have no control over him. He is going to do what he wants. Recovery is there if he wants it. Remember, people only do to us what we let them. God Bless and Keep You