What's wrong with me? I am really depressed lately, but there's another problem.?

See my bf got drunk 2 weeks ago and got violent with me and went to jail. We have kids so child protective services said he can't come home until he starts dom. violence classes & substance abuse class (for alcohol). I know he did wrong and I am holding him responsible, but I am ready for him to come home, as I know this will not happen again because he cannot drink per the courts and he is going to the classes. So I am distraught without him but I can't seem to tell anyone but him, when I talk with him I get really upset (crying, enraged, and suicidal) and I can tell him how I feel, but I can't seem to tell anyone else. I just put up this big front. No matter how hard I try it just doesn't come out. It's seems as though I am totally normal (a little depressed maybe), until I am talking with him. I have a shrink, and I can't even get it to come out with her. The front goes up for her too, although I do tell her I want him home and I am depressed, the whole truth doesn't come out. Why??

He is in AA classes now. He has NEVER so much as spanked our children, he even gets upset when they get sent to their rooms by me. He is not verbally abusive, nor physically when he's not drunk. We have been together almost 4 years, and this has happened twice (both when he's drunk). It almost as if he is a totally different person when he is drunk.

I understand how hard this is however, you have got to be honest with your counselor in order to get any help. Don't be ashamed to tell her how you feel. She is the professional and has studied this behavior. I feel it is not uncommon to miss the person that you love. It is possible with treatment for him to overcome his anger. Has he ever abused your children? They should be a concern to you. Has this ever happened when he wasn't under the influence of alcohol? Maybe alcohol is the underlying condition that caused him to become violent. Maybe considering AA for both of you is an option. Whatever the case may be, don't feel ashamed to express your feelings, it is not fair to you. If people judge you for being honest then how true to you are they? Relationships are hard and there is rarely a perfect one, so don't beat yourself up for feeling like you do. Hope this helps.

Jesus is the Answer for all our life problems. Just come to Him with genuine repentance and faith, and He will help you to have an enjoyable life.

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Why would you want to put yourself through this and with children? You are their mother and you are the one they depend on and they are your responsiblity. Oh, yes it will happen again. I have gone through abusive relationships but I would never have allowed around my children. I started picking the same losers over and over again. Any man who hits a woman is not a man, he is a coward. I used to get hit, I have been to the ER because of it, and it was always the same thing, he would never do it again. It would get worse every single time. The last time he almost put my eye out. I use to think I just couldn't live without him, I would miss him and cry . I was just down right stupid. And the mental abuse that goes along with it, is very long lastind and causes mental problems. If you and him want this kind of relationship, fine, but you have to think about your children. And I DO NOT BELIEVE CHILDREN SHOULD BE SUBJECTED TO SUCH THINGS !!!! And if he does come back, well who do you want the most, That husband or your precious children. Do not put a man before your children!!I do know that I have been and seen all this before. Especially in the last 20 years bad. I am 54 years old. But you know lots of people do stay with domestic abuser and lots get hurt really bad. Good luck to you. Oh my, May God Bless you and your children and Protect you !!!!!