Depression;dont know where to turn/?

since i was a kid i have been depressed. but its not just depression. its these other feelings i get. i used to like the way getting mad made me feel. that was the first thing. over the years i started to abuse drugs and alcohol.i still have episodes where i use heavier drugs and alcohol because i feel so depressed that i just dont care anymore. its hard to describe just how i feel and im starting to think i have something more then depression. i went to college and started having panic attacks. i got a psychitrist and paxil,both of which i quit because i hated the way they made me feel. recently ive been getting uncontrollable depression, jealousy and anger. but these times are mixed with periods where i think im the best person in the world and im uber intelligent (which i know is not true) then sharply contradicted with self hate.i always have suicide in my mind. i think of it as my way to solve all these problems as nothing else helps.

one day i hate myself and my life and i dont care about what i do or say or look like. i could care less to shower. other days i feel like im the most attractive person in the world and my sex drive shoots up and i feel like the best thing in the world. what the hell is wrong with me? what do i tell my doctor?who do i talk to? help

Ok, you can try calling the suicide hotline for referrals of where to go for help and to talk about your problems.

You could try AA and/or Narcotics Anonymous meetings. They are free.
http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/meetings/...
http://portaltools.na.org/portaltools/Me...

mood swings
temper tantrums
crying spells
drowsiness
overwhelming fatigue
insomnia
waking up exhausted
headaches
mental confusion
restlesness
anxiety
depression
irritability
unnecessary worrying
indecisiveness
nervousness
suicidal thought or tendences
antisocial or unsocial behaviour
difficulty concentrating
forgetfulness
etc etc etc (actually up to 125 symptoms)

Those are symptoms of low blood sugar.

Analyse your diet and tell: do you eat a lot of sweets, white bread, pasta, pizza?

Your body might be too sensitive to sugar, so everything is in mess.
Your situation sounds very familiar...
Have been there myself.
But to overcome over 10 years of depression,suicidal thoughts, anxiety, general state of confusion and not willing to live just needed to stop eating chocolate and candies.... Who knew that it can be so easy......

Try to quit all sugar, white rice and white flour and see what happens with your moods, lets say in 4 weeks.

You might find this book very appealing to your situation: http://www.amazon.com/Sugar-Shock-Sweets...

Good luck to you in overcoming your problems.

i am suffering from depression and feel suicidal and think i am 2 people sometimes this is due to my medical health.i am now on anti depressants and they have now doubled the strength and its swtill not working,they have now given me beta blockers i have just started taking them hopefully they will work,it takes time to figure out what suits you etc,go to your docs they will give you all the help you need and the medication.i am lucky to be alive so i just need to think positive,hope you get better and hope i get better but it takes time and i tottally understand what u are going through if you need to talk just email me kirstybirdy@msn.com and we can both ge through it together and help each other.hope you get better soon i will be thinking of you.

Hi. It sounds like you are definitely suffering from some form of depression. However, I'm not either a therapist or psychiatrist. However, I do have depression similar to what you describe. I'm on meds as well and have been for years. Some meds took longer to get use to but the side effects usually pass over a few months or even weeks. You may mention this to your prescribing doctor and ask if they can start you with a lower dose and increase gradually this sometimes helps. It sounds like you may have bipolar and there are many articles, support groups online and in the community. You may check out NAMI.com which is the National Alliance for Mental Illness. Furthermore, you may want to check out Cognative Behavior Therapy (CBT) -- you can ask your mental health provider about this. It is also described in David Burn's FEELING GOOD HANDBOOK which I totally recommend.

Hang in there things do get better. However, if you are suicidal I encourage you to get help immediately -- be sure to mention that you are suicidal when you call and make an appointment. Usually they will take you right away.

There is a good chance that you have a form of bipolar disorder. My standard post follows: See bipolar disorder, at ezy build, below, in section 10, and take the quiz, if unsure, and if the results are positive, ensure you get an expert diagnosis from a mental health professional, not doctors, who are much better dealing with physical ailments, and don't diagnose complex disorders like bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and borderline personality disorder often enough to develop any real expertise. Bipolar disorder usually involves major mood swings, which occur without apparent cause, and often over many months, or a matter of years, rather than days, as with most people (unless rapid cycling). I'd take 4 Omega 3 fish oil supplements daily, replacing 2 of them with cod liver oil supplements in the winter months, (or, as probably a better alternative to the 2 cod liver oil supplements: 1 teaspoonful of cod liver oil, with a little butter, to ensure its use; I take mine on sourdough rye bread, or toast, covered with fishpaste, and pepper, to mask the strong taste). Those people who receive adequate exposure to sunlight, daily, won't need the vitamin D from cod liver oil, but many people, particularly those in latitudes far from the equator, find this difficult, to achieve. If you decide to use allopathy, (modern Western medicine) I recommend trying Lithium Carbonate, or Lithium Citrate. (regular tests are necessary, for these) before trying the other mood stabilisers, but if you aren't good at taking medications regularly, drinking adequate water, and keeping up your salt intake, something else may suit you better. Check out "lithium" at http://www.drugs.com/, and http://crazymeds.us/ and always research medications first, (read, and keep the labels/information sheets) so you will be aware of the risks, and on the lookout for side effects. (Personally, if I wasn't bipolar type 1, and didn't experience hallucinations, or serious delusional states, I know I'd first try the orthomolecular, and Omega 3 fish oil supplements, vitamins, minerals; a herbal remedy, such as St. John's wort, and a mostly raw food diet, for several months. I'd aso eat in accordance with my "nutritional type". Enter that term in the searchbar at http://www.mercola.com/ ). If not considerably improved, after several months, consult your primary mental health care provider: you may be one of those who need medications to prevent this progressive illness from getting even worse. If bipolar type 1, an antipsychotic medication may also be needed. Everyone should take the Omega 3 supplements, or preferably "krill oil" for its other health benefits: use the searchbar at http://www.mercola.com/ . Some people refuse medication, using supplements, and a selective, mostly raw food diet (I do not recommended trying this, if bipolar 1, unless you aren't troubled by hallucinations, or delusional states). Maintain the treatments for the depressive phase, in section 2, at: http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris Some topics in section 10 include: treating bipolar disorder with supplements, vitamins, minerals, and herbal remedies. As with all medications, there are risks, and the possibility of side effects, which is why I inform people of the alternatives, to see if they can cope sufficiently well , without resorting to medications. Don't use medications and supplements together, without medical advice, except for Omega 3, which is safe. SUICIDAL THOUGHTS: See suicidal thoughts/ideation, in section 5, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris and contact them, when the need arises.

Ananga is right. Do what she says first to see if it is a problem with poor diet.

Also look into Yoga. That may sound like a strange suggestion at first, but the reason Yoga is gaining in popularity, is because it connects you to your Spiritual center which restores balance to all the body systems.

Google yoga finder, or if you want immediate help, go to the research section of New Free Books. That will give you the diet help and the Yoga links.

I wish you a happy future... you will find something that fixes the problem.

"these times are mixed with periods where i think im the best person in the world and im uber intelligent " - That is a key statement that indicates that what you are experiencing may be more than simple depression. There is a possibility you have Bipolar disorder (also called Manic-Depression). This is an especially difficult condition to live with because your emotions are all over the place, and when you're manic, inhibitions often go out the window, leading to all kinds of self-destructive behavior. I don't know for sure if that's what you have, but I would ask a doctor about it. Perhaps previous treaters didn't pick it up. It's often missed because bipolar sufferers usually emphasize the depressive part of their mood cycle whereas feeling unnaturally 'good' doesn't seem like a problem. The good news is that it can be treated pretty effectively for most people. Some of the other comments about diet are interesting as well, you might want to consider some of their advice too.

All the answers above are little hints to what you may have or what you should try to do. The correct answer is...you have to help your self ( you brain is way more powerful than you think it is). No doctor, nor pills will help you. What you need to do is get distracted by the positive things in life. Depression is caused by Disappointment, Loneliness, Lack (of any of life's necessities or luxuries), Sadness, Confusion, Stress, Anger, Hurt. What you need is the exact opposite to fill your brain with positive thoughts by giving your self the ability for Joy, Love, Excitement, Abundance ( of anything that causes a positive response) Pride, Comfort, Confidence, Affection. For me, a nice vacation such as an escape would be perfect, like a resort or some sort in Cancun or caribbean islands. But i know this comes once in a while or almost never because not everyone could afford it, so do things that make you happy. Start by completely distracting your mind onto positive vibes which should get all of the negative vibes out of your head. Later on in life you will start to enjoy life's everyday pleasures and the only reason you are feeling suicidal is because you feel that there is no reason for you to live. I am not speaking the words of a text book, but from my own experience. I used to feel almost the same exact way you are. I felt suicidal, the fact that I'm superior to everyone else but at the same time had anxiety. So they way you should distract your self is by giving your self less time alone, so that you don't loose touch with reality, do that by being a constant talker in collage and communicating with people as much as possible. After college, instead of drugs (which i have done heavily for 3 years, so i know what it is), go hang out with your friends in the park, sign up to the local gym and work out, until its late at night, come home do your homework or what ever your responsibilities are and constantly communicate with the people you live with, My advice...PARENTS, or bros n sisters. Keep your self very active. Then on weekends go to the movies, pools, billiard clubs, dance clubs...ect. REMEMBER: THE #1 option for you is DISTRACTION>POSITIVITY(things that make you happy)SPEND LESS TIME ALONE! GOOD LUCK...feel free to ask any questions.