I put my son up for adoption when he was 1 1/2 years old, He is six now and....?

I just recieved pictures of him, I asked for them because it was not an open adoption, but now I am having regrets because it has seemed that it has opened a wound I thought I had healed. honestly I am not handling this very well. I now have a two yr old little girl; since I have gotten these pictures things just haven't been the same with us....please help me!?

I cannot bring him back he is adopted to another family, and that would not be right, he's been there for five and a half years. I need help coping with this.

I think in your situation, however difficult it feels just now, I would advocate a clean break. You have to consider your daughter, she is there, whatever goes on in her immediate environment will affect her now and long term. You have the opportunity to be a good loving parent. Take it and do the very best for her that you can. Don't let these feelings for the child you gave away overwhelm your daughter's childhood, she only gets one, and I would hate for you to hear her say when she grows up, 'I had half of you'.
In time, this pain will ease up. Maybe then you and your daughter could make a little box for your boy. Put in things that mean a lot to you both, buy cards with message sin from you both, write down little things that happened during the day. Allow your daughter to be included rather than making this solely about you and your pain.
Make the box with the hope and the intent that at some point whe he is grown, you might give it to him. That can be your gift to him for the missing years.
But try to make sure your daughter has no 'missing' time, make her your focus for now. Whatever happened in the past that led you to make this heartbreaking decision, don't let it trouble your present. Love the child you have with everything you have because she is at the moment all you have

kindly bring your son back.

I am very sorry for your pain...wish i could be of more help... but i'm sure your son is in good hands and i will pray for you and your family may god bless and comfort you

Oh i'm sorry :( I really don't have any advice but I did want to say that I hope you come to peace with the decision you made & be there for your daughter. I'm sure its hard but all you have to do is have faith & believe in God; HE will always show you the answer & the right path to take. But don't let this ruin your precious moments with the child you have sitting at home. Be Strong & Take Care :)

First, ya need to forgive yourself for past decisions! We have all made them. You need to get up in the morning and take a look at your daughter. Be thankful for her! The past is the past. Grief is normal, and you will experience some of that. But just remember to look ahead not behind. Take in what you do have. I am a Christian, so my views are biblical.. But even if you are not yet a believer, the bible holds wisdom in this situation. Get ahold of me if ya ever need some more questions answered. I would be happy too......josh

it would be hard to answer this..since no one can be in your shoes....
and the only one who can help you is GOD..pray to him to make things ...easy for you...other wise there really is no easy way ...for any party in this situation...
MAY GOD HELP YOU.

First see if u can start being apart of his life so he can get to know you, he is young enough for you to still create a lovimg relationship with him, then try to find a good attorney.

What a sad day it must be for you. I am so sorry, I do not know what to say to help. That wound will never heal for you. It was a death to you and it will always hurt. Like you say, its opened again.
Oh, the web we weave when we first plan to deceive. I think that is how it goes.
The little boy is not yours now. He has a new life and loves his family. He would not know you and anything you do would definitely add trauma to his life. He has had a broken heart when he was given up. Do not allow this to happen again.
Your little girl needs and loves you. Do not push her away..HOLD her close to you a LOT..
Get some Godly counseling. The Lord can heal broken hearts.
Is it a secret? if so, I don't know to whom you could turn.
Just talk, talk to someone, just talking to God would help
If you have a Church, talk to your Pastor/Priest.

you gave him up for adoption so i'm taking that there must have been overwhelming obstacles you were facing during the time. the reasons don't matter as much now because you made a choice to have him adopted and you are feeling empty since you have recieved a picture.

you gave him away because at the time you might not have been able to care for him in a matter fitting a child. his adoptive parents have taken that responsibility from you because they wanted to raise a child with the intent of loving it and caring for it like normal parents do.

i think all you can do is hope that his parents now love him as you would have liked to have done. they have been doing the job for 4 and a half years so it is a while. there isn't much you can do to heal the pain but you can do plenty to learn how to deal with it. i do sympaphise with you and though i don't have kids, i do no the feeling of loss.

have you tried reading self help books on subjects relating to your hurt? maybe you can see a counsellor and get treatment if the emotional stress and heartache are beyond you? try to find ways to resolve this and all the advice given in this thread are just opinions, you need to do the recovery and healing on your own, which is that hard part.

if you are neglecting your daughter because of this, then it could mean that something deeper could be behind tht emotion. look within yourself and ask yourself honest questions on why you feel the way you do and it might help to write it down so you have someting solid and real to look at as reference to your emotions.

i wish i could offer better advice to you on this matter. i hope you do something constructive to deal with your issues. good luck with it and love your daughter, she needs her mom.

My heart goes out to you what a courageous thing you did.I'm sure you had good reason for adopting your son out and looking out for his best interest.As a mom you will never forget your children.As long as he is safe and happy you should not worry.I can say that but you will always worry and wonder ,what if.maybe you can talk to the adoptive parents some people are very understanding and they may let you have visitation.I would talk to my family or friends that would understand or maybe go to grief counseling.there are alot of people in your same situation and maybe they can help you cope with this.you will never forget or forgive yourself if you don't get help coping with this situation.You are not a bad person for making that decision.just try to think positive And think of your daughter because that can affect her too.Don't beat yourself up inside for something you cannot change just thank your self for giving your son the best life you could at the time.I wish you the best of luck and don't forget to talk about your feelings to someone that understands.If you would like to talk to me you can email me.I went through something similar,but my children went to live with their dad 6 years ago. I did nothing but sleep or not care about the world because my children are my world.i got severely depressed until i learned how to cope.May God bless you and bring you peace.

youre just going to have to deal with it. i dont feel sorry for anyone whos not man or woman enough to raise their own children in the first place. let the parents who put it in their heart to raise YOUR child continue to raise him, they love him more than you do anyway!

u need 2 4give urself 4 wat u did 2 ur son & dont ever plan of messing up his life.

he's in a better life now so b happy 4 wat has bcome of him

4 d meantym, concentrate all ur attention & love 2 ur daughter. that might cover up d sadness u have 4 ur son

i did the same thing. Its a horrible feeling that you unfortunately will not get over. Grief counseling is a great start to a mental recovery.

Im sorry you had to go through this. I wish adoption agencies mandated laws to make open adoption the ONLY adoption.

best of luck

I am very sorry you feel so sad, but I would like to thank you for the courageous decision you made years ago. I have a brother 9 years younger than me that my parents adopted when he was 3 months old. He is my only sibling and I love him so much. It's a very respectable decision you made. Your child was given the opportunity to have a wonderful, settled life that at the time you could not have provided him with. So know that there are people who are proud of you. Enjoy being with the daughter you have now, she loves you.