What should i do to balance my unstable mind and thinking which is destroying my life.plz help?

i was married 10 years ago to a very short and aged man.i was very nervous and suffered depression as i hated his appearence.. i couldnt accept this marriage and neither has the courage to divorce.in this dilemma i aborted pregnency.after an year iget adjusted and began to love him & try to conceive and undergone treatment but again tentions arised as my husband began to torture me for abortions.after that i all over again suffered depression and became confused regarding my marriage and its become difficult for me to accept it with all this difficulties.
we get separated after every fight for months & years.
i think that because of my unbalanced thinking i cant able to take any decision. when i live with him i feel that i cant able to led life with him and decide to divorce him but suddenly got frightened and change my decision.i dont have strength to take any bold step nor has the courage to perform all my duties as a wife and live with him.how can i overcome this cycle of thought

that's v.sad listing all this....all this is happening becoz u r not satisfied with ur life...now u said u already divorceed him so I think u shud stop thinking abt him...start a fresh life.ZDo what u loved to do,go for a make over..pamper urself...meet new ppl & frnds..talk to them.or may be develop some hobby to relax ur mind.

Sounds like you need a support system other than Yahoo answers in your life. You need to talk with someone else about it (close friends or relatives) and have them hold you accountable for any decisions you make or even help you come to a decision that would be best for you.

Are you willing to see what causes your suffering?

See what causes your suffering and everything will change.

If you have not already done so you need to talk to some one, generally a professional, although some friends are pretty useful especially those who have been through something similar. You might not think you will ever gain enough strength but with some help and this could be long term you will make it, you have to think about yourself as well. Marriage needs to be a partnership if it is to work well. You might think this possible but there is light at the end of the tunnel, this is not an easy road to travel and there are no quick fixes. My experiences through my life tell me this, i do live with some one who has suffered greatly in her life from depression and so on. Don't be scared to ask some one for help, god knows we all need it sometime. I wish you well young lady god speed and take care.