SON with ADHD in trouble?

My son has been diagnosed with ADHD since he was in elementary and have gotten alot of help from his specialist. Just last week, in Gr 10, got caught after stealing $400.00 from a child's locker. He returned all the money except the $30.00 he spent. Now he is expelled from school and might be charged. I was talking to the constable from the school today and was trying to explain about his ADHD and most likely his impulsiveness had something to do with what he did, but he didn't seem to understand that. I have a dr's app't for him in 2 days and then have a meeting at his school to find another school for him. Then I have to go talk to the constable. It seems that no one is on his side and not understanding that he has mental problems stemming from his ADHD. I know he needs help, that is why I made a dr's app't for him to see what help we can get for him. I don't want him charged, what else can I do to convince them not to. Being charged would harm him more than help.

My son also has ADHD. He's 15 & was diagnosed when he was 7. He's never stolen anything nor does he have the impulse to do so. I don't think one has to do with the other. As far as being charged with theft of $30, I think the judge will throw it out. Especially if it is paid back & soon. Keep records of all his treatments just in case. Keep one thing in mind!!!! As with my son(ADHD) he has no sense of responsibility. Protecting him & "siding" with him sometimes keeps him from owning up to the things he should own up to. I know it's hard but sometimes it's best if someone else steps in & tries to discipline him. Without the kid going to jail or getting a record of course. Good luck!!!

I know that this is stressful for you, but you seem to be doing all the right things to resolve the situation.

Sounds like you have good sources to turn too, it will just take a little time and effort to bring it all together.

Keep up the good work.

unfortunately, mental conditions do not exempt us from the law.
I don't think ADHD is a defense in such cases. Even if we understand why people behave the way they do, the laws are still enforced. You are hoping for compassion for you son. So I think the best thing would be start with compassion for the "victim" of the crime. Take your son there and apologise (he does it and you too). Let them know you fully understand the impact of what happened to them...with the money being stolen. You yourself should make up the $30 and pay it back to them then hold your son responsible for earning that amount to pay you (give him hard chores to do it). If you want compassion, i would start by showing it to others. You might try showing the principal that you understand how this has impacted him and apologising, and your son sincerely apologising, etc. Remorse is always good, when it is genuine.

Actually being charged and chucked in a cell for a while is probably the best thing that could happen to him. Don't just bail him out when he gets in trouble - don't use his condition as an excuse for him. Has he been diagnosed by neurologists and psychiatrists - not just a family doctor? The only way to get a proper and correct diagnosis is through having a battery of tests done, brain scan, etc., then alternatives can be worked on. If he has had this since he was young, and now is in grade 10, he knows better - ADHD does not affect morality, for gosh' sake. Maybe your parenting tripped up, eh?

ADHD is not an excuse for being a thief.

Your son did a terrible thing. Do not bail him out of this. Go and support him, be there if he needs to talk. He has to face the punishment for the crime he committed.

If you condone his actions by excusing it with a neurological disorder, he will live the rest of his life justifying his bad choices because of what you said.

I don't know if this would be option but see if he could pay the $30 back, be suspended for a week or two and/or do a certain number of community service work.

It does seem a little much to charge somebody for taking money that was returned (all but $30). What I would like to know is, why did the other student have that much money in their locker? It sounds a little fishy to me that there was that much money in a locker. When I was in high school (less than 7 yrs. ago) and nobody ever had that much in their locker. I would totally question the reasoning behind why the student had that much money.

If you have documentation from the doctor about his condition, they may be more lenient on him. But I'm more curious about why the other kid had $400 in his locker. Even I don't have that kind of cash lying around....

My step-son suffers from ADHD and Bi-Polar....at age 8 he started stealing and it took until recently to break him from this. He turns 13 in a few weeks.
With your son being in the 10th grade, I am not so sure you can avoid any legal charges, but it would be in his favor, if he has been attending regular Mental Health appointments, or getting counselling from someone.
Even children with disabilities have to learn to obey the rules and laws....or else everyone would try this type of defense to justify their actions.
I am not trying to sound unsympathetic with your situation ...and I do wish you the best of luck with it.
Ask the Dr. if there is any other type of testing available for your son, since it is entirely possible he may have other problems as well as the ADHD, which have yet to be diagnosed.

most of my friends have petty charges against them. its sad we charge children like they were adults. the system doesn't work for anyone -- adhd or not. it isn't the end of the world even though it might seem like it now. you are doing everything you can so don't punish yourself and don't punish him either. letting him know you are doing everything you can and love him -- the worst he could get isn't much -- just be ready to build him back up after and let him know you don't consider him the piece o junk the system does.

Oh mom I really understand ,my son is adopted he is 8 and his doctor just put him on starttae for the reasons he talks to much in class and dont set still ,his grades are good .but I hate him being on medicine ,May I suggest something I think is going on ,from what you say it sounds like to me ,and why ,ok he sounds just like my husband did as a kid and he is very bioplar ,not ADHD sometimes they dont diagnois it right and he wont be on right medicine .Bipolar makes them act out in that way .always into something .Also I would start him in church with you if he is not, that will also help him get the right thinking in his head ,I would have the doctor write a note and also you may considering having the doctor home bound your son and then the state will pay for a teacher to come to your home aleast until you get him on the right meds ,Now his doctor has to do this ,he has to send a note to the board saying its best for him to be home bound .I wish you all the best .

Get that boy into behavioral therapy NOW.

Having ADHD is a bit like having the spam

filters on your mail program set wrong.

The enormous amounts of external stimuli

bombards the brain of these people and so,if he can realize that,he may be able to improve his powers of concentration which in turn,should reduce his symptoms.It's a lifelong deal though.
You have to always BE AWARE.

Given ONE task at something they enjoy doing though is vital.ADHD's are very
talented,even though they may never
be mutitaskers.

Sorry to see you having to deal with such a problem.

DSM IV, the diagnostics and statistics manual that is used to code mental illnesses is what you would want to refer to during your discussions. If you are not in the U.S., you might want to locate the book that is used in your country.

The sections you would want to read are ADHD, conduct disorder and antisocial personality disorder. Your son's behavior is not helped by his ADHD, but his behavior comes across more like conduct disorder and that is where the school is coming from. You can find out more about this disorder on the Internet. Many children with conduct disorder also have ADHD.

Under the law, everyone is accountable except sometimes the criminally insane. A person with deficits is expected to use his strengths to overcome his deficits. In your son's case, his strengths could be not wanting to cause suffering to another individual, wanting to do the morally correct thing and/or wanting to be a constructive person rather than a destructive person.

His individual therapist should work toward strengthening his superego - his conscience. He should learn not to steal not because he may be caught, but not to steal because it is wrong. He should obviously be held accountable for the other $30 and whatever items he purchased with the $30 should be removed from his possession.

When looking at whether or not to bring charges, all parties must be taken into consideration. How does the other child and his family feel, how would society and the school feel. Your son has been suspended and he has also made restitution, so these can be used as arguments against further charges. However society often wants to provide more supervision of these at-risk children in order to assure that they get back on the right track. Perhaps they would delay or drop charges provided your son stayed in therapy for a year with a therapist who has adequate experience treating conduct disorder.

I also have ADHD and have had it since childhood. I made mistakes such as the one your son made. The best way to handle this, and doctors agree with me, is to let your son see the consequences of his actions. In this case, punishment WOULD be appropriate, because any less would be unrealistic and would make him think that people with ADHD can get away with unethical actions. Taking money itself is not an ADHD behavior. He was considering doing it, and the ADHD may have DRIVEN him to do so suddenly, but the fact that he had that thought in the first place is not indicative of ADHD.

Is he taking any medication? If he were receiving proper treatment, this probably wouldn't have happened, honestly. Look into Concerta. With meds, it takes a lot of trial and error to get just the right dose. How often does he see a therapist? He should be going at least once a week, and make sure they are aware of how he stole money.

Best of luck.

My son has adhd and impulsiveness is an issue, but at your sons age, that should not be a justification for the theft. He may have had a strong impulse to steal it but still should have known it was wrong. If he really couldn't control his actions then maybe he has bigger mental problems than just adhd. Please don't think I mean that badly because I don't, but maybe there really are other medical or psychological problems that need to be addressed. Good luck to you both.